2 am thoughts (Part 2)

People are like the waves of the ocean. They come and they go, being manipulated by the push and pull of the universe, affecting every little grain of sand it's touch can reach, continuing on until it runs out of force, and coming to a standstill until another wave washes ashore.

2 am thoughts

Why do we spend so much time trying to impress others? Looking for everyone else's acceptance? Why should I altar my life simply to please someone else who doesn't even care about me? And no I am not talking romantically; I'm talking about on a daily basis: the best of friends, family (with exceptions in my opinion), and even strangers. If I'm not hurting or disrespecting anyone else, then why shouldn't I be able to live my life the way that I want to live it? Be the person I want to be? Act however I want to act? Listen to whatever the hell type of music I feel like listening to? All without being judged? What I do is up to me. How I choose to spend my free time is up to me. I hope I'm not offending anyone with what I choose to do, but I don't seem to be affecting or disrespecting anyone else. Who knows how long we have on this Earth? Live your life in color. Don't try to live anyone else's. Find yourself and just do you. I have come across a few inspiring people lately and they have really opened my eyes to life and existence. Spend your time making both yourself and others happy. Be a good person. Spread good vibes. Be caring and loving. Do what you love and love what you do. Please others to a certain extent, but you have to learn that at times you must be selfish to protect yourself and your morals. Please remember to smile as much as you can and slow down to enjoy life.

Senior Year...Where did you go?

I'm such a procrastinator and I forget about everything...it's who I am. I wish I could have taken the time to document everything, but this year is by far has been the busiest and fastest year yet. Was this even an entire school year? Because it has already come to a close, the only thing remaining is the actual graduation (1 week from today). Yeah yeah, everyone told me that High School would fly by, but I had no intentions just how serious they meant by that. Wow. It honestly baffles me that I'm about to graduate. I still feel like a kid, how could I be going off to college in nearly 4 months?! That's insane! I just got my acceptance into NSU, and am awfully proud to say that it is where I will be attending in the fall. I still remember, back in 8th grade, it was the day that everyone's response letters from SJA, CHS, and SMHS were delivered. I hopped off of the school bus at the corner of my street and looked up to see my mom at the end of our driveway, waving a big white packet in the air and I immediately started sprinting down the sidewalk, I remember jumping over the small tree branches and dodging pine-cones as my backpack bounced up and down against my back. It honestly feels like that was just the other day. But look at me now, simply one week away from standing with my cap and gown accepting my diploma.

It's going to be crazy...moving off into a dorm with no one that I know. I won't be able to go to Nikki's whenever I feel like it, or go grab sushi with all of friends, or go to Sunday masses with my mom. I'll be all on my own. I mean yeah, I guess an hour isn't too bad, but it sure will be quite a change. But maybe change is good. Maybe I need this. I want to see who I am to become, with a fresh start. A new school, new environment, new people, new schedule. No one will know who I am, or my background, or the reputation from my school. I get to start over, not that there's really anything that I need to leave behind, but just something fresh. I have to say, it's going to be exciting being able to sit alone at a coffee shop with some books and studying and maybe have some Chinese take-out in my dorm. My graduation present from my mom already came in the mail, yes, my very own Keurig! It's so adorable and I just can't wait to use it.

Like I said, moving away from my friends is going to be so difficult. They're all going to the same college, except for me. Watching their lives through my phone screen is going to be devastating, they're going to be moving on without me. Guess I'll have to be all social and awkward again to meet a good set group of friends. So much has been going on with my group of friends which I obviously am not going to get all into. All I have to say is that it is time for everyone to grow up and decide who you want to be and who you want to surround yourself with. After lots of reflecting, I have come to realize that I am going to miss the memories more than I will miss the people, as horrible as that sounds. I just don't know what I'll do without Nikki and Jake by my side. Here's to a hopefully good future.

Keep My Eyes Above the Waves (October 11&12 2014)

~the fam~

Every single year at my school, we have a retreat by grade. For the past 3 years, my grade just goes to the gym at school and we have guest speakers and small groups and do meaningless activities. They aren't ever much   fun because you are put into a random group, and with my luck, it's usually with people I don't necessarily care for. This year, senior year, our class went to Tall Timbers, a campground with cabins and a cafeteria and a meeting hall.

~take it in~

I'm gunna have to admit, people weren't that stoked about it. Once we got there, we loaded our bags into the cabins we chose and headed towards the cafeteria where they served us nasty food. I feel bad for saying it, but no one really ate it because it was that bad. The ice cream was good though! We went into the meeting hall so they could sing and try to get us excited for the overnight "come to Jesus" trip. Well, it worked. Later that night, we all sat down in a huge circle in the meeting hall for an "activity". We all got seven little colored pieces of paper. Our spiritual leaders instructed us to tear out a small heart from each piece of paper while they explained what each heart meant. Each time they explained a heart, we had to get up and go give it to someone fitting the description. For the first one, we had to give it to someone who makes us laugh or who we just enjoy spending time with. Madelyn walked right up to me and handed me her heart, simply smiling and saying "here Sadie." She was so gentle and quiet, it made me so happy, that I instantly started crying. I gave her the biggest hug imaginable. 

~journaling~

With everything going on in the past few months, it meant so much for her to give me hers. She went and sat back down silently while I went and handed my heart to Nikki, and by no surprise, she was already crying too. We hugged each other so tight that my ribs hurt and I could barely breathe. We went and sat back down to wait for the second heart to be explained and torn out. Mrs. Davis walked up to me with a box of tissues, motioning for me to grab one...almost the entirety of tissues fell out onto me, so she laughed and whispered, "keep them". The second heart was for someone you look up to, or someone that has something you see in them that inspires you. So of course, I walked right up to Madelyn, hugging her again, so hard, telling her that I love her. Madelyn is one of those people that I can't ever afford losing. She's so ecstatic when she's in a good mood and doesn't care what anyone thinks about her. Even though she doesn't exactly know it, I have always looked up to her. These past few months have been so crazy, and as difficult as it is to admit, the group is slowly getting scattered around, drug apart, then back together. It's all so confusing. Madelyn's been drifting apart from us, for several reasons. And the worst of it is that we've all tried so hard to make it stop. But life just gets really hard and there's only so much you can do. I've tried so hard to show her how much I care, but nothing I do can ever be enough, and I mean that in the least offensive way possible. Anyway, onto the third heart, for someone you want in your life as you grow. I gave mine to Celine. She is such a good inspiration, and our personalities are quite similar, we think the same way about things. The remainding of the hearts were announced and given out/received. I still have all of mine shoved in my notebook. The rest of the night was spent with everyone. We had a serious heart-to-heart with the entire group. The girls and I all went back to the cabins and ate candy and talked and laughed and overall, it was an amazing time.

~never forget~

Soon after, we had to meet back up in the meeting hall. The entire grade was dancing and singing and having an awesome time. It seemed as though, just for that short weekend, everyone got along. No one cared what your social status was. No one cared what your hair looked like. No one cared how loud you sang or how high you jumped. It was truly an amazing experience, one that I will cherish forever. Yeah sometimes I dislike my grade and how people act, but other times, I wouldn't rather be anywhere else.

We Sure Know How to Run Things

It was an insanely gorgeous weekend, so me and some of the squad decided to take advantage of the weather. We grabbed our shades and headed downtown to the levee and walked down to the abandoned pier for some fun. We looked at ll of the colorful graffiti took lots of pics. It was so much fun and I can't stress just how amazing the weather felt. It was warm from the sun but cool from the breeze. Perfect!

~venturing~

We were just messing around when suddenly Jake noticed that 2 cops were headed our way. Technically we had trespassed because there was a padlock (ft. in pictures) that we climbed under but eh. No worries, there was a handful of people there, so it wasn't just us. They tried acting all tough and kicked us off. But oh well, it was fun while it lasted, am I right ladies?

Late Night Pool Photoshoot

I just kinda wanted to post these pictures that we took at Anna Maire's a few weekends back [I know, I need to get in the habit of posting shortly after these events happen. oops. oh well, I'm not perfect]. Anyway, Anna was kinda pissing me and Madelyn off when we were all over there for a big sleepover, so we decided to kinda tick her off by jumping in her pool while everyone else was inside...

Well, Celine ended up jumping in after us and it suddenly turned into a really fun, grunge-inspired photoshoot with the three of us. It was so cool, Madelyn is such an excellent photographer! I love her style.

 It was so cold once we got out, considering it was a late September night and we were soaking wet from swimming. Louisiana doesn't really tend to have cool weather so soon, but that night just seemed to be cooler than normally. We ran inside, tracking water all the way to the bathroom...oops. 

The three of us all got in the shower and had a rotating line, taking turns washing and rinsing our hair. The water was steaming hot so it felt amazing after the freezing cold pool. We played with the shampoo and wrote on her shower walls to be stupid because we're just like that. We laughed and sang really loud and just acted like the idiots we are and always will be.

Adventuring

A few weekends ago, some of my friends [Nikki, Celine, Madelyn, and Jake] and I took a 2 hour road trip to Tunica Hills Waterfalls to go hiking for the day. We arrived around 12:20ish, stopping at a run-down, thrifty kind of shoppe at the entrance. There were a bunch of old trinkets, like dolls and books and mirrors and rocks and it was really nice to walk around and admire everything that still managed to be holding up, considering how old they must've been. We hopped back in Celine's truck and rode down the gravel road for only a bit more until we reached the hiking grounds. We quickly got ready, spraying on some bug spray and making sure everyone had enough water for the hike.

~Onward!~

We started off around 1. The beginning was just fine, it was mostly downhill walking, except I preferred a light jog while going down, it didn't involve as much energy use [lol] all at once plus it was easier, except for when you had to try and stop without falling off the sides! We continued hiking until we got to a creek; which we had to climb straight down some rocks to get to it, but it was totally worth it! (Yes that is me in the tie-dye being motivational). For the most part, Me and Celine stayed walking in the actual creek while the others walked mostly on the dry, sandy area. We eventually ended up running into what we think was a dead end, so we turned around and took a different route. On our way, we found a mini waterfall and a deep pool-ish area where Celine and Madelyn dove into as soon as we spotted it.

~Cool Off~

We chilled here for a bit and just enjoyed the journey. We eventually got going again, even though me and Madelyn had blisters on our feet, but Celine didn't [Chaco buddies for life! The go-to shoes no matter what]. Right here is Celine and I checking out Madelyn's foot. But don't worry, we were fine, even with our huge blisters. Oh well!

~Chaco Buddies~

Anyway, we kept on. We hiked and hiked and hiked. There was so much incline to cover; which was extremely challenging. But we did it!..with the help of water and Jake, who motivated us and even gave Nikki and me a little boost every now and then since we're so not the athletic type. We ran across a guy who was on his own, resting in the shade against a tree trunk; which he looked to be out of water, so I offered him some. Jake ended up pulling out his water bottle before I could even reach into my backpack. But hey, the guy got some water, and that's all that mattered.

~Inlines~

We hung with him for a bit while we poured the bottle into his camelback and recovered a bit. We ended up hiking for nearly 4 hours until we finally came across the second biggest waterfall in the park, the biggest one was way too far and we couldn't find it, we had hiked nearly the entire map....nearly...it was difficult considering Jake was pretty much the only one of us that could correctly read the map. Go Scouts! We rested by the waterfall for a long time. By then, I had drunken 7 bottles of water!

~Madelyn~

I ended up not even playing in the waterfall because I was so exhausted plus I had forgotten an extra pair of clothes and I didn't want to take the 2 hour drive home in soaking wet clothes, so I chilled on a rock, with the company of Nikki, while Celine and Madleyn played in the water. It was nice to see her smile again. That's a whole different story that I won't be going into on here. Anyway, after cleaning and packing up, we headed on home; windows down & music up. 

After we dropped everyone off, Madelyn, Jake, and I ended up going to Subway because Madelyn was hungry and then we went and laid on Jake's trampoline in his backyard, watching youtube videos and staring at the stars.
It was all kinds of rad.